Suggestions to Interviewees

As I see groups of well-dressed interviewees around campus, I am reminded of George's interview skills. Just once, I would like to interview a residency applicant who would be unfailingly honest in his/her replies to questions. I have modified the following scene from Seinfeld to indicate my fantasy interview. (Dr. Shapiro is the Chief of our Department).

Episode 86: The Opposite

BOB: Why don't you tell me about some of your medical school experiences?
GEORGE: Alrighty. Ah ... my last rotation was in endocrinology... I uh got an "F" for having sex in an exam room with a patient.
BOB: Go on.
GEORGE: Ah, Alright, before that, I was in Obstetrics. I quit, because the Attending wouldn't let me use his private bathroom. That was it.
BOB: Do you talk to everybody like this?
GEORGE: Of course.
BOB: My daughter told me you were different.
GEORGE: I am different, yeah.
BOB: I gotta tell ya, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we've seen. (gets out of his chair) Ah, Dr. Shapiro, sir. There's someone here I'd like you to meet. (George gets up and goes over) This is Mr. Costanza. He's one of the residency applicants.
DR. SHAPIRO: Nice to meet you.
GEORGE: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years you have caused myself, and the city of Pittsburgh, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Department of Medicine and reduced it to a laughingstock, all for the glorification of your massive ego!
DR. SHAPIRO: Hire this man!

Jeopardy Does It Again

For the second day in a row, Jeopardy gave me my Seinfeld moment. In Double Jeopardy, there was an entire category on famous architects. Curiously, George Castanza was not one of the "questions."

Episode 78: The Marine Biologist

See yesterday's post for background - George pretending to be a marine biologist may not be working out.

Jerry: I did it for you.
George: Yeah, but what did you have to tell her that for. You put me in a very difficult position, Marine Biologist! I'm very uncomfortable with this whole thing.
Jerry: You know with all due respect I would think it's right up your alley.
George: Well it's not up my alley! It's one thing if I make it up. I know what I'm doin, I know my alleys! You got me in the Galapagos Islands livin' with the turtles, I don't know where the hell I am.
Jerry: Well you came in the other day with all that whale stuff, the squeaking and the squealing.
George: Why couldn't you have made me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect.

George Would Have Been Proud

I got my Seinfeld moment today watching Jeopardy. I forget what the exact "answer" was, but the correct question was "what is plankton?" The contestant was probably thinking of the following Seinfeld episode when he incorrectly said "what is algae?"

Episode 78: The Marine Biologist

Jerry has previously been extolling George's virtues with Diane, an old high school classmate.

Jerry: Now I should tell you at this point she's under the impression that you are a.....
George: A what?
Jerry: A marine biologist.
George: A marine biologist....why am I a marine biologist?
Jerry: I may have mentioned it.
George: But I'm not a marine biologist!
Jerry: I'm aware of that.
George: So?
Jerry: You don't think it's a good job.
George: I didn't think it was a job.
Jerry: Oh. It's a fascinating field!
George: What if she calls. What will I say?

(In George's parent's house...George is sitting in a chair. He is talking to Diane on the phone)

George: Algae, obviously plankton, I don't know what else I can tell you, Oh I just got back from a trip to the Galapagos Islands, I was living with the turtles.

Toxic Xmas Card Envelopes?

This always goes through my mind as I'm sending out our Christmas cards.

Episode 134: The Invitations

George: So.....She's dead?
Doctor: Yes
George: ...Huh!
Doctor: Let me ask you ; Had she been exposed to any kind of inexpensive glue?
George: ...Why?
Doctor: We found traces of a certain toxic adhesive commonly found in very low priced envelopes.
George: Well she was sending out our wedding invitations.
Doctor: That's probably what did it.

Obit Omission

"Van Johnson, a film actor whose affable charm and boyish good looks helped turn him into a major Hollywood star during World War II, died Friday in Nyack, N.Y. He was 92." So read the obituary regarding Mr. Johnson in the New York Times. He was a major film star and had a rather lengthy obit, but I found it odd that at no time was it mentioned that Uncle Leo was evidently a big fan.

Episode 20: The Pen

Jerry, Elaine, Helen and Morty are greeting Uncle Leo and Aunt Stella at Morty's upcoming disastrous testimonial dinner. Jerry is wearing sunglasses to hide some periorbital bruising he sustained while scuba diving:

JERRY: Oh God. (foreseeing an arm grabbing as he sees Uncle Leo entering with his wife Stella)
JERRY: (to Leo) Uncle Leo.
LEO: Hello!
STELLA: Morty are you nervous?
MORTY: What nervous?
LEO: (to Jerry while he's grabbing his arm as usual) What's with the sunglasses? Who are you? Van Johnson?
JERRY: I've got a black eye.

I Never Thought I'd See This

I actually saw a woman walking in the medical school today (in high heels no less!) who had a piece of toilet paper stuck to her shoe. Should I have told her about it? I did not, but I did think of this .....

Episode 41: The Trip (Part 1)

Jerry: How's it going?
George: Great! Great! I actually just had two meaningful intelligent conversations with Corbin Bernsen and George Wendt.
Jerry: Really?
George: Yeah, not fan talk, not gushing, you know? Actual conversation, I was incredibly articulate!
Jerry: You got toilet paper on your heel there.
George looks down, Jerry walks away.

Nice Name

I was getting a hot dog at Target today and I noticed that the server's name tag identified her as "Pam," a name that you don't see much these days, unless it's on a Seinfeld re-run.

Episode 136: The Soul Mate

Kramer and Jerry are discussing Jerry's current girlfriend.

JERRY: So, what's on your mind?
KRAMER: It's Pam.
JERRY: Pam? What about Pam?
KRAMER: I love her, Jerry!
JERRY: You what?
KRAMER: I love her!
JERRY: Is that right?
KRAMER: Oh, she's uh...she's real. She can bring home the bacon and fry it in the pan.
JERRY: What does that mean?
KRAMER: Oh, and that voice!
JERRY: What about her name?
KRAMER: Pam? Oh, it's a beautiful name. Pam. Pam. Pam!