I have to give a shout out to this Dr. Grumpy blog that my daughter clued me into. It's not for the squeamish (particularly the following post which is the subject of today's Seinfeld reference) and may dissuade future generations from entering the medical profession, but it's hilarious.
http://drgrumpyinthehouse.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-shoot-me.html
Episode 107 - The Fusilli Jerry
This is Kramer after he mistakenly receives his "Assman" license plate:
Kramer: Have you ever *met* a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they "stuck" something up there. Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one."
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Hugging Epidemic
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/28/style/28hugs.html?pagewanted=1
Today's post features the article above from the NY Times about the plague of social hugging in today's secondary school system (including a mention of my junior high school). Of course, it made me realize that I would be an absolute social outcast in this setting, as Jerry found himself to be in the following episode:
Episode 103 - The Kiss Hello
[Jerry's Apartment]
Jerry has just arrived with his mail. The door opens and Kramer darts into the room.
KRAMER: Hey.
JERRY: Ah, well. Thank you very much!
KRAMER: For what?
JERRY: (agitated) For putting my picture up on that wall! I'm like Richard Dawson down there now. And every person I see engages me in this long, boring, tedious, conversation. I can't even get out of the building!
KRAMER: You should be thanking me for liberating you from your world of loneliness and isolation. Now, you're part of a family.
JERRY: Family?
KRAMER: Yeah.
JERRY: You think I want another family? My father's demanding my uncle pay interest on fifty dollars he was supposed to give my mother in nineteen-forty-one, and my uncle put my Nana in a home to try and shut her up! And I tell you another thing, Cosmo Kramer, whatever you wanna be called. The kissing thing is over. There's no more kissing, and I don't care what the consequences are.
As Jerry reaches the end of his emphatic declaration, Kramer takes Jerry's head in his hands, leans in and plants a big kiss right on Jerry's lips.
Today's post features the article above from the NY Times about the plague of social hugging in today's secondary school system (including a mention of my junior high school). Of course, it made me realize that I would be an absolute social outcast in this setting, as Jerry found himself to be in the following episode:
Episode 103 - The Kiss Hello
[Jerry's Apartment]
Jerry has just arrived with his mail. The door opens and Kramer darts into the room.
KRAMER: Hey.
JERRY: Ah, well. Thank you very much!
KRAMER: For what?
JERRY: (agitated) For putting my picture up on that wall! I'm like Richard Dawson down there now. And every person I see engages me in this long, boring, tedious, conversation. I can't even get out of the building!
KRAMER: You should be thanking me for liberating you from your world of loneliness and isolation. Now, you're part of a family.
JERRY: Family?
KRAMER: Yeah.
JERRY: You think I want another family? My father's demanding my uncle pay interest on fifty dollars he was supposed to give my mother in nineteen-forty-one, and my uncle put my Nana in a home to try and shut her up! And I tell you another thing, Cosmo Kramer, whatever you wanna be called. The kissing thing is over. There's no more kissing, and I don't care what the consequences are.
As Jerry reaches the end of his emphatic declaration, Kramer takes Jerry's head in his hands, leans in and plants a big kiss right on Jerry's lips.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Hiding From the Watchtower
We have these nice, elderly Jehovah's Witnesses who come around on Saturday, distribute their literature, and then proceed to talk your ear off. So if I see them coming down the sidewalk before they spot me, I'll hide and pretend like I'm not home. This weekend we have the pleasure of Emily's company so we had to include her in on the drill. So you had me, Chris, and Emily all hiding behind the sofa to avoid the horror of having to talk to these lovely but loquacious ladies. You'd have thought we were trying to avoid detection by the Nazis! Anyway, it reminded me of the following exchange between Elaine and her girlfriend Tina, whose apartment she is subletting:
Episode 86 - The Opposite
Tina : Elaine, we have a problem.
Elaine : Well, what is it?
Tina : You're getting kicked out.
Elaine : Kicked out?! Why?!
Tina : Well, there's been a number of complaints.
Elaine : Yeah? Like what?
Tina : Well, like last Thanksgiving you buzzed up a jewel thief.
Elaine : I didn't know who he was!
Tina : That's why there's a buzzer.
Elaine : What else?
Tina : Well, apparently, the week after that, you buzzed up some Jehovah's Witnesses and they couldn't get them out of the building.
Episode 86 - The Opposite
Tina : Elaine, we have a problem.
Elaine : Well, what is it?
Tina : You're getting kicked out.
Elaine : Kicked out?! Why?!
Tina : Well, there's been a number of complaints.
Elaine : Yeah? Like what?
Tina : Well, like last Thanksgiving you buzzed up a jewel thief.
Elaine : I didn't know who he was!
Tina : That's why there's a buzzer.
Elaine : What else?
Tina : Well, apparently, the week after that, you buzzed up some Jehovah's Witnesses and they couldn't get them out of the building.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Morning Mist
Had a great weekend in North Carolina attending my nephew's graduation at Duke University. However, as I departed for the airport on Saturday morning, I had a terrifying moment when I actually idenitified with none other than George Costanza! I was toting my bags to the car, and it occurred to me that I had an awful lot of stuff to carry for one brief weekend away from home. It reminded me of the following exchange between George and Jerry before departing for LA:
Episode 41 - The Trip
Jerry's apartment. George walks in with several stuffed suitcases and backpacks.
Jerry: What is this?
George: What?
Jerry: We're going on a two day trip. What are you, Diana Ross?
George: I happen to dress based on mood.
Jerry: Oh. But you essentially wear the same thing all the time.
George: Seemingly. Seemingly. But within that basic framework there are many subtle variations, only discernable to an acute observer, that reflect the many moods, the many shades, the many sides of George Costanza.
Jerry: (referring to George's outfit) And what mood is this?
George: This is Morning Mist.
Episode 41 - The Trip
Jerry's apartment. George walks in with several stuffed suitcases and backpacks.
Jerry: What is this?
George: What?
Jerry: We're going on a two day trip. What are you, Diana Ross?
George: I happen to dress based on mood.
Jerry: Oh. But you essentially wear the same thing all the time.
George: Seemingly. Seemingly. But within that basic framework there are many subtle variations, only discernable to an acute observer, that reflect the many moods, the many shades, the many sides of George Costanza.
Jerry: (referring to George's outfit) And what mood is this?
George: This is Morning Mist.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Seinfeld on Hospital Rounds
Wow! I have been extremely negligent in regard to my posting so I will try to make amends. Anyway, over the weekend I was making rounds in the Intensive Care Unit when I was presented a case of new onset kidney failure in the setting of profound dehydration. After the intern summarized the patient's history, I asked her to report his laboratory data, and for some reason I requested the information with a quote direct from Seinfeld. It went something like this:
"So what were the patient's labs, which I gather might have been a tad askew?"
Episode 83 - The Raincoats
ELAINE: I know they're your parents, Jerry, and they're very nice people. But don't you think it's odd, that a thirty-five year old man is going to these lengths to see that someone else's parents are enjoying themselves? I mean don't you find that abnormal?
JERRY: It is a tad askew.
"So what were the patient's labs, which I gather might have been a tad askew?"
Episode 83 - The Raincoats
ELAINE: I know they're your parents, Jerry, and they're very nice people. But don't you think it's odd, that a thirty-five year old man is going to these lengths to see that someone else's parents are enjoying themselves? I mean don't you find that abnormal?
JERRY: It is a tad askew.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Operatic Seinfeld (Extended Post)
I saw an opera over the weekend (La Boheme) and I actually enjoyed it! Of course, it got me to thinking about all of the operatic references in Seinfeld. I could think of five episodes that either featured or mentioned the opera or famous opera singers. Any aditional contributions to my list would be appreciated:
Episode 49 - The Opera
An entire episode devoted to Leoncavallo's immortal "Pagliacci". Every scene is brilliant. However, the following exchange, after Jerry accuses some guy of stealing his quarter, got me into a pugilistic mood prior to departing for the Benedum Center. Fortunately, nobody challenged me to a fight at the venue, in part due to the fact that the audience was 90% female and the average age was probably well over 70.
MAN: You think I care about money? That's how much I care about money. I don't care about money.
JERRY: Oh yeah, well why don't you just get lost!
MAN: Why don't you get lost!
JERRY: Because I was standing here, that's why.
MAN: Oh Yeah?
JERRY: Yeah!
The man walks away.
JERRY: I kinda like this opera crowd, I feel tough... Anybody else got a problem?
Episode 72 - The Barber
Another entire episode with an operatic theme and with background music exclusively from Rossini's "The Barber of Seville".
Episode 102 - The Beard
George compares his lying prowess to Pavarotti's voice.
Jerry: So George, how do I beat this lie detector?
George: I'm sorry, Jerry. I can't help you.
Jerry: Come on, you've got the gift. You're the only one that can help me.
George: Jerry, I can't. It's like saying to Pavarotti, "Teach me to sing like you."
Episode 113 - The Maestro
Elaine is singing "Le donna e mobile" from Verdi's "Rigoletto".
Episode 127 - The Doll
Elaine gets an autograph from Jose Carreras, "the other guy" of the Three Tenors.
ELAINE: You know the Three Tenors?
GEORGE: Yeah.. (Trying to remember) Pavarotti.. Domingo.. and.. uh.. the other guy.
ELAINE: (Nodding) The other guy.
That's all I can think of for now, but how many other sitcoms have even one reference to the opera?
Episode 49 - The Opera
An entire episode devoted to Leoncavallo's immortal "Pagliacci". Every scene is brilliant. However, the following exchange, after Jerry accuses some guy of stealing his quarter, got me into a pugilistic mood prior to departing for the Benedum Center. Fortunately, nobody challenged me to a fight at the venue, in part due to the fact that the audience was 90% female and the average age was probably well over 70.
MAN: You think I care about money? That's how much I care about money. I don't care about money.
JERRY: Oh yeah, well why don't you just get lost!
MAN: Why don't you get lost!
JERRY: Because I was standing here, that's why.
MAN: Oh Yeah?
JERRY: Yeah!
The man walks away.
JERRY: I kinda like this opera crowd, I feel tough... Anybody else got a problem?
Episode 72 - The Barber
Another entire episode with an operatic theme and with background music exclusively from Rossini's "The Barber of Seville".
Episode 102 - The Beard
George compares his lying prowess to Pavarotti's voice.
Jerry: So George, how do I beat this lie detector?
George: I'm sorry, Jerry. I can't help you.
Jerry: Come on, you've got the gift. You're the only one that can help me.
George: Jerry, I can't. It's like saying to Pavarotti, "Teach me to sing like you."
Episode 113 - The Maestro
Elaine is singing "Le donna e mobile" from Verdi's "Rigoletto".
Episode 127 - The Doll
Elaine gets an autograph from Jose Carreras, "the other guy" of the Three Tenors.
ELAINE: You know the Three Tenors?
GEORGE: Yeah.. (Trying to remember) Pavarotti.. Domingo.. and.. uh.. the other guy.
ELAINE: (Nodding) The other guy.
That's all I can think of for now, but how many other sitcoms have even one reference to the opera?
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Jackie Chiles Returns!
Straight out of the "You've got to be kidding" file:
http://www.postgazette.com/pg/09091/959762-100.stm
Evidently, Attorney Jackie Chiles has been retained to represent the plaintiff, as Mr. Chiles has prior experience with cases involving faulty coffee cup tops (Cosmo Kramer vs Java World):
Episode 113 - The Maestro
KRAMER: Well ahh. I was trying to get to my seat and I had to step over someone and I kind of got pushed and it spilled on me.
JACKIE: Was there a top on it?
KRAMER: Yeah.
JACKIE: Now did you put the top on or did they put the top on for you?
KRAMER: No. They put the top on.
JACKIE: And they made the top. You didn't make the top did you?
(Kramer motions that he did not make the top)
JACKIE: (To secretary over intercom) Suzie. I want you to go down to Java World. Get me a cafe latte with a top. (To Kramer) We're gonna run some tests on that top.
http://www.postgazette.com/pg/09091/959762-100.stm
Evidently, Attorney Jackie Chiles has been retained to represent the plaintiff, as Mr. Chiles has prior experience with cases involving faulty coffee cup tops (Cosmo Kramer vs Java World):
Episode 113 - The Maestro
KRAMER: Well ahh. I was trying to get to my seat and I had to step over someone and I kind of got pushed and it spilled on me.
JACKIE: Was there a top on it?
KRAMER: Yeah.
JACKIE: Now did you put the top on or did they put the top on for you?
KRAMER: No. They put the top on.
JACKIE: And they made the top. You didn't make the top did you?
(Kramer motions that he did not make the top)
JACKIE: (To secretary over intercom) Suzie. I want you to go down to Java World. Get me a cafe latte with a top. (To Kramer) We're gonna run some tests on that top.
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